Am I what you've made me out to be?

If you truly believe that, then you clearly cannot see.

You clearly cannot see me, because you don't want to.

I actually think that for a fleeting moment, you did.

You saw something that scared you down to your soul.

And even until this moment, you haven't recovered from it.

I scare you because even though you deny it, you know me.

Deeply, in some unrefined realm, you are a fervent admirer.

I have left you undeniably and eternally disturbed.

I can't, and I will not pretend to be what I am not to appease you.

It makes you nervous, and resentful in some way.

And in some twisted way, I'm mildly amused by your unease.

It amuses me because you fail to realize the apocalyptic grief I own.

All of the ghosts who are with me, how they comfort me in the night.

Moonlight, her beauty is my salvation, fascination.

As I walk between both worlds, I can now realize it's magic.

This gift your betrayal has bestowed upon my soul.

I am eternally grateful and momentarily disappointed.

Disappointed in how we became disjointed.

But why am I even surprised? We both know why.

My existence is the embodiment and manifestation of his infidelity.

You must realize he had no choice in the matter.

Things were decided and agreed to long ago, and oaths solidified.

Yes, it's unfortunate for you that he broke his solemn vow.

But to me, he was always faithful. And for that I pay.

I pay with your hatred for me, your condescending dismissal.

Your subconscious, or perhaps at this point conscious revulsion.

I wish I could say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I have every right to be me.

In spite of and regardless of what you or anyone else feels about it.

Just get over it. I find your disapproval of me tiresome, and dull.

It leaves me numb, and disinterested in the subject at hand.

I am in fact exactly what you make me; but only to you.

To you, I'll never be anything more; anything more than a mistake.

I have news for you love, there's no such thing as a deliberate mistake.

Perhaps it's unfortunate how my existence casts a formidable shadow.

A shadow in which you find very uncomfortable, yet impossible to avoid.

I also see your disappointment in my appeal and grace, even my face.

When you look at my face, you see her. And it becomes all too real.

Even though you know that I, and so many others of my like exist.

We exist here in this world, and there is nothing you can do about it!

Forever I am, forever I will be, forever I have been. Deal with it.

I originally never intended you any hostility, but you give me no choice.

I do not apologize for choosing me, I never have, and never will either.

Because in this case, if I don't choose me no one will. You sure didn't.

Perhaps it's time for me to put away the boat, we'll catch up after.

Yes, right after I finish, I promise. I will get back to you.

Sound familiar? I will never forget, forgive yes, forget no. Goodbye.

All rights reserved - Lynne Taylor / AutumnWolfPublishing 2021.